About Christy Hayes Counseling

I offer counseling services that are tailored to the unique needs of each client, utilizing various therapeutic techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and solution-focused therapy. My approach is rooted in creating a safe and non-judgmental environment for clients to express themselves freely and work toward growth and healing. Whether it's managing anxiety or depression, dealing with relationship issues, or navigating life transitions, I am dedicated to providing my clients with the support they need to achieve positive change. Choosing counseling services can be a difficult decision, but rest assured that with me as your therapist, you will receive compassionate and effective care.

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Depression aka My Dark Cloud

My dark cloud. My demon. My cinder block vest. The negative voice. These are my names for it. You may have your own name for it as well. The actual term is depression.

My natural state is in movement, getting things done, marking items on my list with the satisfying checkmark -- Complete YES! I have always been high energy, so when I struggled to get out of bed it was a shock to me. When I realized I had not marked anything off my list and it was sunset, it was a shock to me. What was going on? Who was I?

It took some time for me to make the appointment to talk with someone, but when I did and she explained depression to me, I was shocked. I am not depressed. I don’t get depressed. She calmly asked this question: “Tell me about any significant life events that have happened over the last twelve months. Then I listed: my 19 year marriage ended - my mom passed away suddenly - I moved to a new house. Saying it out loud to her was the first time I actually realized life had not just thrown me a curve ball….it had thrown me several in quick succession. It was a moment when the proverbial lightbulb went incredibly bright and highlighted the truth that you can get depressed even when you have never been depressed.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, please contact me.

From one of my favorite writers, go to the link below to hear her story.

Notes from the Emergency Room - Hannah Brencher

The Disconnection of Social Media

The world today is more connected than ever, yet many people feel disconnected, lonely, and untethered.

This loneliness and disconnect manifests in:

• An inability to express feelings appropriately,
• Struggling to engage in meaningful relationships with friends
• A reduced attention span, and
• Overwhelming anxiety

Many adults do not know how to address this with their youth because the adults themselves are becoming more and more tied to the myth that social media creates human connection. I can provide strategies for addressing this with youth and adults. Life is not lived in front of or through a screen.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an over-dependance on social media, please contact me.

I would like to introduce strategies on how to disconnect to reconnect.

For more information, read the article below from Harvard Health.

Does Social Media Make You Lonely? - Harvard Health

Effective Communication in Relationships

Why don’t we listen to learn and understand? We see the world through our own experiences and thoughts. We listen to respond. We listen to tell others what we think – what we feel – what we want. Only when we listen to understand where the other person is coming from can we truly grow in the relationship. Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way. It doesn’t mean what we think or want or feel is unimportant. It simply means if we truly want the relationship to grow or improve, we must be present in the conversation and listen to understand and connect.

Try being intentional in growing this behavior. Go into the conversation with the goal to connect and learn. This does not require turning the conversation into an interview. In fact, if you ask the right question, the person may share a lot with you. Ask open-ended questions to learn about the individual. Be prepared to ask follow-up questions.

Here are two examples:

• Have you ever had a disappointment so big, you had no certainty you would ever get over it?

Follow up: What did you do to get through it?

• What was your childhood like?

Follow up: Do you have contact with any of the people who were prominent in your childhood?

For more information, read the article below from Esther Perel.

Esther Perel's Blog - Letters from Esther #7: The Art of Conversation

Take the Time to Connect

The biggest challenge for all relationships is communication. We talk, but not to connect. We talk, but not about the important things. We talk, but only about schedules or navigating carpool, class assignments, doctor appointments, and picking up drycleaning. I will provide individuals and couples effective communication strategies. Most importantly, I will help you understand your communication style and help you understand the communication styles of others in your life.

For couples, a 20-Minute check in is a game changer. Many couples attest to being too busy to sit down and talk for twenty minutes a day. However, the question is not “do we have enough time to talk?” The question is “can we afford NOT to take the time to talk?” Couples who drift away from each other find this to be an effective tool to finding their way back to each other.

Check out this article from The Gottman Institute.

One Ritual You and Your Partner Need to Feel More Connected